Seriously, I heard "I hate you, Mom!" and "You're the worst mom, ever!" and "You're so mean!" several times. So much for trying to raise responsible children. Am I the only mom in the world who has their kids do chores, workbooks during the summer, practice and read? Really, that's all I ask - and it felt like I was nagging to get it done ALL DAY! It would only take about an hour to get it all done...but why do they have to drag it all out? I felt like a drill sergeant asking over and over.
There were several decisions made by certain children of mine going against our family rules deliberately, like climbing the fence, when they know that's an offense. They were turning on the TV left and right before they were finished with their responsibilities. There was an extra dose of quarreling. One kid ran outside and climbed up on our car when I found him. One was turning on the hose and spraying everyone and everything. They got in the bathroom and were getting all of the rugs and towels wet (that I had just washed the night before). They were getting snacks out of the cupboard and sneaking them all over the house, leaving a trail of crumbs wherever they went (of course, we just had vacuumed as well). Let me tell you, I put them in time out all morning. I was not happy, they were not happy. I felt like a monster, I felt like I didn't know how to handle them. All of the tricks I've read in parenting books and pinned on Pinterest were not cutting it this day. And this, of course, right after reading the book "Scream-Free Parenting".
Then, as we were coming back from watering a neighbor's yard who is out of town, Cal and Lucy ran up ahead of the rest of us and locked us out. We were locked out for over 30 minutes. We threatened, bribed, pleaded, nothing would do it. When they let us in, I just ran up to my room. I felt like I was ready to quit. When I got to my room, I hit the floor and bawled like a babe. I mean, I sobbed harder than I have in years, giving myself a headache. But as my Mom always said "sometimes you need a good cry". Lucy came in and laughed and thought it was funny I was crying (which made me more upset, but later when I was recounting my experiences with Dave we both laughed about that one).
Then, I turned my problems over to the Lord. I poured out my soul to my Heavenly Father. I told him how incapable I felt. I asked Him for His divine help, that I couldn't do this alone. I plead for forgiveness that I didn't treat my little ones as gentle and loving as I should've. I'm thankful He always listens to our prayers. I'm thankful for His understanding, encouragement, forgiveness and love. So happy He helps us in this parenting thing. After that, and a nice talk (and foot rub) with Dave, I felt much better.
Later this weekend, as I was pondering all of this, I came across this tender mercy quote: "You never have to parent alone. God is always there to pick up the slack and ease your burden if you ask for His help. Never forget that God wants you to find joy in parenting even through the hard days, weeks and months. Allow Him to take away some of your stress so that you can see the good in your children. If you invite God into your parenting, He can help you see your children the way He does, as beautiful children of a loving God." -Heather Hale.
So true, I just love that quote! This pic below may be a happy one, but behind the scenes I was uptight and grumpy. Today I can see them through the eyes of our Perfect Father, as his divine and precious little ones and have the patience and understanding to love them, thanks to His help.
I also thought of the Conference talk by Jeffrey R. Holland's talk "Lord, I Believe". He said: "Except in the case of his only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with," he said. "That must be terribly frustrating to Him but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work."
I am so imperfect. That must be terribly frustrating for God to have to watch me parent this way. But this work of being a mother is divine. And He will guide me through it!
I also asked Dave for a priesthood blessing, had a weekend getaway with just the two of us (more on that later), and the kids had their interviews with Daddy the Sunday of last week (we bumped them up a little bit, felt it was needed). These things have all helped, and we're doing much better now! Still, no days are perfect, but as a partner with Heavenly Father and His help and encouragement, we're finding joy even in the difficult moments. Sometimes being a mom is so tough. It is mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausting. But thankful for those "worst days ever", which are designed to help me develop God-like qualities, help my kids learn and grow, and which make those regular and good days seem that much better.
I felt so compelled to share this experience on social media a few days after I calmed down a bit, so I did. And I've had so many come tell me or text me messages to say they're so glad I posted this, for it makes them feel a lot more normal. Many have said they've always looked to me as a perfect (HA! They must not know me well enough) mom. Oh, I have such a long way to go! So often I just post to social media all of the fun and exciting things, but I don't post the every day things or the rotten things. It felt refreshing to share a negative experience, but then change it into a positive experience and share my testimony. How much greater life is when we turn it over to Heavenly Father! Here's to more days of seeing my kids through His eyes.
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